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Post by Notes on Jun 8, 2014 12:01:17 GMT -5
You know, I just reread this the other day. I prefer it immensely in comic form, though.
I must note that, when you write your next season, you should focus more on the characters' individuality. In the dark, it was difficult to tell who was speaking in particular. Your situations are definitely out there (which makes the story unique). I mean, try an exercise. To start, think of different greetings your characters would use. If you have all of them saying the same "Hello" or "Hi," you have a slight problem.
I know that, at least twice in Tales, for example, Patch has greeted her friends by saying "What's up?" Maybe you should consider that sometimes when Patch appears. There are other exercises that might be even better, like determining how someone would react to themselves making a mistake. It's a big red flag when all of your characters say "Oops" instead of "oopsie," "uh-oh," "crud," or even "sorry." I mean seriously, would Ace even he not acknowledge his mistake? And if he did, would he say "oopsie daisy" or "oh"?
Also don't forget description for the story. Not everyone will read it in comic form, and sometimes, we don't even know whether the characters are indoors or outdoors.
You aren't alone here. As a matter of fact, I'd say many writers have fallen into the same traps in the olden Tales days. Situations aren't going to quite be enough anymore. You should up your description game, or your characterization at least. In the more modern Tales age, there is more characterization than ever, so at least individualize your characters within your universe, if not in the sea of different interpretations.
I have spoken of my concerns for your future seasons' reception. If you find that you don't have much time, you can call me in to help out a bit, but these are YOUR seasons and should remain yours. People will read it regardless, partially because of situations, but also because we don't have a huge library yet (or a centralized library). But I just think it's good practice to get into as well.
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Post by Notes on Jun 8, 2014 12:33:57 GMT -5
Thanks for being receptive to the tips! You shall come up on the top, taking advice like that.
But nice episode. Don't think Patch would say "WE MUST GO TALK TO HER" as much as she would say "Let's go talk to her" or "I'm gonna go talk some sense into her" but that's easy to digress. Though test grades aren't luck, unless she just never studied a thing.
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Post by Notes on Jun 8, 2014 14:50:16 GMT -5
I can tell. Your art has improved a lot since the early days, too, so your writing must have as well!
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Post by Notes on Jun 8, 2014 15:42:58 GMT -5
Prank Call... not bad, heh.
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Post by Notes on Jun 8, 2014 16:13:24 GMT -5
Pretty funny concept, everyone getting sick at the same time! Poor little ponies.
My favorite parts were the ones with Miss Hackney, Slice Cake and Knit Knack, Patch's mom. Who was that chatting with Bon Bon before Slice came in, though; her dad or Twink?
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Post by Notes on Jun 8, 2014 16:38:48 GMT -5
I think it was strip 19-23 he was there.
MISTER TIDWELL!!! Aww, good thing he was safe in the end.
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Post by Notes on Jun 8, 2014 18:37:34 GMT -5
Ah. I've always imagined Long Hose as he appeared in Too Sick to Notice: yellow, but with a green mane.
Okay.
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