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Post by bobdude on May 9, 2014 19:04:26 GMT -5
Cook, darkamenation is reading as well, thinks the story's a bit rushed/easy romance wise. Not sure what else he thinks of it at the moment.
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Post by Notes on May 9, 2014 19:06:03 GMT -5
Kind of, but of course it's a oneshot, not a novel.
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Post by bobdude on May 9, 2014 19:12:08 GMT -5
True, and at 9k words I doubt I could have written much more without it REALLY going out of control length wise.
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Post by Notes on May 9, 2014 19:20:00 GMT -5
Long oneshots are always fun, but I'd have to agree for this particular story; 9,000 words works well for the story you're telling. Errors are jumping out at me, some of which I discussed with you and some totally new ones. Major ones so far are fixed, but there are things like the spelling of 'yeah' and italicizing of thoughts that aren't nitpicks as much as consistent errors.
But so far, there is quite a bit of improvement in the realistic approach. Nice!
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Post by bobdude on May 9, 2014 19:24:07 GMT -5
Thanks, think it be worthy for submitting to FF.net?
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Post by Notes on May 9, 2014 19:25:28 GMT -5
Eeyup! I sure would submit it there. I mean, any followers you have would love to find it, right? And there are also lurking guests there who read stories with Tales character tags.
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Post by bobdude on May 9, 2014 19:42:20 GMT -5
Then all I'd need is a good summary and I'd be set. Any ideas?
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Post by Notes on May 9, 2014 19:57:03 GMT -5
I just got to the end on the DeviantArt, and smiled warmly at the description. No problem, bobdude. (3(
Hmm... summaries... depends on your target audience, which is Tales fans and people with fat fetishes. Because "Starlight and Bon Bon confess their love for each other and become obese lovers" would make a pretty bland summary, maybe something a bit more... I don't know... unique.
No, that's way too, for lack of a better word, cloppy.
Clearly I've never shared a summary before, though I feel I've dreamed up cool ones. I guess try to come up with a variation on these. You already have, I imagine, followers with the fat fetish, so I would target Tales fans and mention Starlight and Bon Bon in there. I'd also put the trigger warnings (femslash, weight gain) in an author's note at the top, not in the summary.
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Post by bobdude on May 9, 2014 20:00:51 GMT -5
Why not something like, "Starlight has been love struck for many years,while Bon Bon grown into an ever growing gourmet. But when these two ponies cross passions cross one summers night, how will their friends react?"
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Post by Notes on May 9, 2014 20:01:59 GMT -5
Ooh! Fancy pancy! (  I'd read it in a heartbeat! |
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I'd read it in a heartbeat!